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Things Not to Say or Do on A First Date

This is probably the one that most don’t want to read because many of us will have undoubtedly said or done some of these things on a first date and lived to regret it.

So, to get the ball rolling, how is this one for size... “You look different from your profile picture!” However, if you are using a matchmaking service like Intro NW, you will know that the profile pictures are accurate.

A quick, but true story. Electra and I were cast as a kissing couple back in March 2014. I was referred to the casting director by an actor friend of mine. He drops me a quick message on Facebook. He said; “dude I know of the role for a short film being shot in Edinburgh and I think you will be perfect for it. I don’t know your schedule, but just case you are free and interested I gave casting your name and profile.”

The team call me to say we have your profile and wondered if you would be free to meet regarding a short film we are shooting. We talked for around 20 mins and basically, I was offered the role as one half of a kissing couple. We follow up with each other and turns out they were struggling to find the other half. I said that I would help and put the word out on Social Media, after all Social Media is my thing. A week passes, I’m not having any luck and I’m starting to think not one single actress on my Facebook account or page wants to kiss me, even if they were paid.

Nonetheless, the Director gets in touch and says “Hey, we found the other half.” Out of curiosity I ask who is it. Perhaps I know them, and we may have worked together in the past. They sent me the name, I don’t recognise it, but the date is set for the shoot.

Within minutes, I Googled Electra to find that she is gorgeous, seriously (in my opinion) out of my league and think... Oh my, they will need to double her pay to kiss me. Filming day comes and we snog like teenagers alone for the first time, as per our directions, on a bus for several hours. It was great! We stayed in touch after the shoot, and before you know it Electra asks me out. Go figure, the girl of my dreams asks me out.

Point of the story though is that I actively went out to find Electra online to see what she looked like. Thankfully she looked exactly like her profile pictures and headshots. If you are like me, and curiosity gets the better of you and you must see what your date looks like, do not under any circumstances say, “You look different from your profile picture!” Even if you mean it in a wonderful way such as you were a solid 7 online and a perfect 10 in person, just don’t do it. It will not end well. Even if it is the later more positive intent, sooner or later it will cast some doubt into your dates mind.

Here is another. “You look so much like my ex” Wow is what you are probably thinking, this one came straight from someone’s mouth, several exactly. What is the worst thing you could say on a first date, this is what they said and further added, I said it to him. Even 10 years down the line your partner does not want to be compared at all to your exes.

Say you have been single for 10 years and Intro NW find you a match and a date is set up, they too also do not want to hear that on a first date. It shows that you are still thinking about your ex, you have not considered your dates feelings and you should just walk home. Even if you drove to the date venue, just walk anyway as punishment.

Here is one not to do. Do not check out the waitress or waiter at the café/restaurant. You may have checked out my last blog Places to Go on A First Date Blog and there are no waitresses or waiters, still do not check out anyone else while you are on a first date (or any date for that matter). Are people attracted to many different people? Yes, but you are on a date with the person that could potentially be the one for a host of reasons other than you think they are great looking. They deserve your full attention and respect. Just don’t it folks.

The date is going well, you are building a great rapport, you’re laughing with each other, and so far, you haven’t spilled any sauce or coffee down yourself. Your date excuses themselves to go to the restroom, do not ask them how long they will be. If you want an explanation why, you should walk home right now from where ever you are, even if you drove, just walk anyway as punishment. This sounds needy, insecure and a little weird. They are going to the restroom, there are only a handful of things one can do in the restroom.

If you are at a tea room, or grabbing a coffee together after a long walk. Do not order for your date, it’s rude and over powering. In the same breath as this is blog is about Things Not to Say or Do on A First Date, don’t jump in, full of negative sass and say something along the lines of, “Erm, I can order my own drink if you don’t mind.” If your date has gone ahead and ordered a coffee for you without asking what you would like, take a look at the menu and politely interrupt before the coffee is made and ask to switch your drink for something else. At a minimum change the size of the coffee or change the amount of shots of coffee you want. Standard coffees from coffee houses are two shots of coffee. So, to recap that one, don’t order for your date and if your date does order for you, change yours in a non-confrontational way. It’s a first date and there is no way that your date meant anything negative by this.

It is 2018 so don’t assume that your date is going to pay or pick up the bill. Be keen to offer first. It is polite and it will be completely appreciated. You are a good person, so don’t just sit back and not offer to at least split the bill. In fact, use these particular words. “I really appreciate that, I think it’s only fair that we split the bill. It is 2018 (or whatever year you read this) and the days of one person picking up the bill on the first date are gone.”

Next, don’t be late for your first date. Probably not acceptable on any date but more so on the first. People are normally a bag of nerves on a first date, anxious and worried. The worst-case scenario quickly becomes a likelihood in someone’s head if they are left on their own for too long waiting for a date to arrive or be picked up.

You are having an amazing time together, you have got on exceptionally well and there is something in your gut not wanting this date to end. Here’s the thing... You need to let it conclude. Don’t keep a great date going too long, you don’t want to burn yourself out or your date. If you agree on a sensible time to finish your date, stick to it. In fact, make plans after your date, like visit your parents or your friends. Make your plans loose enough that you can be late but not that loose that you can cancel them. Doing this will keep you to a fair schedule and no confrontation or disappointment when you say it’s time for me to go, let’s do this again soon. On a side note, if this is what you want, make sure you say it with conviction.

I hope this was helpful for you. If you did find it helpful, please do share the link of this blog on your social media profile and let everyone know Annabel and her team at Intro NW offer a top-notch service and you enjoy the guest blogs.

Thanks everyone, your support is fantastic. Check out my next blog coming soon. A Second Date is a Good Idea Because...


Christopher McPhillips

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