A few of the most asked questions I get from women who have met someone new and just started out dating are: How can I tell if he’s into me or not? Can I trust him? Is he a player keeping me dangling on a string? Is he seeing other women?
Finding love can be difficult these days but it doesn’t have to be once you know how to spot the signs early on, discovering quickly whether he’s really into you or not. But how do you know what the signs to look out for are?
You see, I see so many single women feeling confused & frustrated, endlessly talking about their relationship dramas with their girlfriends, analysing every single minute detail because of the constant swirling in their head that’s asking: Does he love me or not?
As a result, they’re more likely to be watching his every move and paying attention to his every gesture because they want to see ‘proof’ of his love. The problem with this, however, is that it sometimes can leave you feeling paranoid, insecure and suffering from bouts of intense anxiety which sadly, as a consequence, will undermine the success and happiness of the relationship – and may even trigger him to pull away from you.
That’s why I’ve written this blog, because I want you to avoid all of that heartache that these women have gone through, so I’m sharing with you the signs to look out for to discover whether he is really into you or not.
So, if you want to feel secure in your choices, and know that you’re making the right decision in being with the guy you’re thinking of right now, then below are some signs for you to pay closer attention to, because if you really want to know how deeply he is ‘into’ you, then you need to have a clear strategy of signs to look out for, so that you can make a more informed clear-headed decision instead of decisions being based entirely on emotions or suspicions alone.
Ladies, overall, if you want more of a clear sign to know whether or not a guy is really into you, then you’ll know by the level of investment he is making to be with you.
Let me break it down for you so that you know what these seven clear signs are.
Sign #1: How often is he spending time with you? And has there been an increase in him wanting to spend time with you?
When a guy is getting more and more into you, he will want to see you more often OR at least, he will most certainly be touching base with you at those times that you’re apart, because he will want to let you know that you’re someone special to him. This will happen organically and naturally when he’s feeling a strong emotional pull towards you because when he feels that way, he will naturally feel compelled to remain in close connection with you.
Sign #2: How consistent is he in connecting with you? Is it random and sporadic so you don’t know when you’ll be seeing him from one moment to the next?
When he is feeling an attraction towards you, what you’ll see is more consistency in his contact with you. If you find yourself waiting around a lot, unsure if or when you’re going to hear from him, then that’s not a good sign at all.
Furthermore, if in the initial stages of your relationship he was in regular contact with you – (fairly consistently), but then you start to notice it becoming less frequent the longer you two were together, then that definitely isn’t a good sign, and would suggest that he’s pulling away from you and not that into you anymore.
So, does he keep in regular consistent contact with you?
Touching base with you in between the times you don’t see each other is a great sign of a guy who is thinking about you. And the more he is thinking about you, then the more likely he is into you and no other woman because he can’t get you out of his mind.
Sign #3: Does he call you ‘last minute’ to hook up & hang out that often involves sex or may even be just you two talking intimately together!
Listen, this doesn’t always have to mean that he contacts you late at night. This scenario is equally as relevant in the day time as it is in the night time! So, does he contact you last minute – asking you if you’re free to hang out or call you randomly, wanting to talk with you about HIS problems – using you as his ‘fake girlfriend’, even possibly asking you relationship advice?! I’ve seen this happen many, many times before, - that you feel good with him, you talk for hours about anything and everything - but then you end up getting hurt because you’ve become emotionally invested in him, just when he’s got what he needed and has moved on.
Hey, he might even be offering you a great time out somewhere, where you’ll get the chance of getting all dolled up and made to feel special BUT then suddenly gets busy doing other things. If this is becoming a pattern - then this would suggest that he isn’t that into you, but had some spare tickets or free time on his hands. Perhaps other plans fell through. Perhaps one of his other girls cancelled on him, and then he thought of who else was on his list.
You see, I’ve seen this happen before with one of my clients. There was a guy she REALLY liked, and after being inconsistent with his contact with her, he called her up on a Friday, and asked her if she fancied a last minute weekend trip to London, all expenses paid – first class train ticket, 5* hotel, dinner, separate rooms – to see Cirque de Soleil. She said yes of course and was ecstatically happy.
However, that happiness didn’t last for long, when he told her, at the expensive hotel, after eating a wonderful meal, that his favourite girl couldn’t go with him, so he rang round to see who else was free to go instead.
Sign #4: Does he often get busy with friends or work when you want to see him?
Have you noticed that he seems to be up for all sorts of plans BUT when you actually come to make those plans, he then gets busy and always has something else going on that he can’t get out of? OR he will commit to those plans, yet on the night before or even on the day of the date, he cancels on you and tells you that something really important has “just come up”? He might even tell you this dramatic story of someone being ill, or gotten hurt, that the cat or dog is sick and he has to take care of it - telling you something that would make it impossible for you to get angry or upset at him for?
Of course terrible things happen to people all the time. So I don’t want you to become paranoid. However, I do want you to be mindful of how often something else crops up and how frequently he does this to you, especially when you take into account the other signs as mentioned above and below.
Sign # 5: Has he introduced you to his friends?
Now this is an interesting one - just because he has introduced you to his friends doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s wanting something more committed or long term with you. However, if he NEVER or doesn’t want to introduce you to his friends, then that’s definitely a very bad sign.
Sign #6: Do you two always ‘Go Dutch’?
In our modern world of gender equality, the whole ‘who pays for what’ has gotten all mixed up and confusing. The rules of the game are no longer as clear cut as they have been in the past. However, what hasn’t changed, is that when a man is seriously interested in you and seeing you as someone special and long term in his life, he will definitely want to demonstrate that by investing in you.
A very obvious example of this would be him paying for dinner or the cinema or whatever you two are doing when you’re being taken out. He will do this to show you that he’s investing in you and that it isn’t some casual affair, because he will want to make you feel special and cared for by him in order to make it clear to you that you mean something special to him. Him showing you that he’s wanting to share what he has with you - his vital resources - is definitely telling you that you mean something significant to him.
Caveat - some guys will always be the gentleman and will always pay for dinner for example, because that’s just who they are as a person but it still might not mean he’s investing in you for anything more serious down the line. Equally, there are some bad boys out there who know how to play the long game and therefore will mimic and act as if they are investing in you, seducing you until he’s gotten what he has wanted. That’s why it’s crucial that you pay attention to at least 3 of the above scenarios and not take just one into isolation when assessing whether he is into you or not.
Nevertheless, if you’re with someone who is stingy and mean towards you, and what I mean by that, is that he isn’t generous with you in any way, then that would suggest that he isn’t into you enough to value spending his money on. I know that might sound crude and crass, but if he isn’t willing to even share with you what he does have, or find creative ways to make you feel special, then really, you shouldn’t be with this guy. Full stop.
Sign #7: Has he told you it’s ‘not the right time for him for anything serious’?
Well, this one is self explanatory. He can like you, he can really care about you, but if he is at the time in his life where HE knows his time and energy is going to go elsewhere – like building a business or his career or is suffering from some debilitating illness, has suffered a bereavement, or maybe he’s still smarting from a costly painful divorce or still getting over his ex for example – then he knows he cannot dedicate his time to you.
In this situation, only you can decide on whether you want to ‘wait’ until he might possibly be ready. It’s a risk only you can take and only you can decide to make a decision on. When you way up everything else as written above, as well as your age and what you’re wanting for yourself (for example, do you want to start a family) then you have to consider ultimately what’s right for you.
I’m all about you getting into and having an incredible relationship with your Mr Right. And Your Mr Right wants the same as what you want, in the same time frame as you, and most importantly, he wants them with you.
So, after having answered and explored the above questions then you’ll see much more clearly how much HE is into you regardless of how you might feel about him. If you ticked off at least 3 of the signs mentioned above, then it would definitely suggest that he isn’t really that into you and therefore you need to think hard of what your next step should be.
What I really want you to know is: When a guy is REALLY into you, there is absolutely no mistaking it. HE will declare his desire and love for you openly both in words AND in action. He will absolutely invest in you – in time – both in person and connecting with you when that’s not possible face to face.
A man who is seriously into you will:
Invest in you financially
Stop seeing other women.
Tell you how he feels.
Be moving the relationship forward
He will always be showing you that you mean something special to him.
If he isn’t doing that, then sorry to say, he’s just not that into you. I know that this sounds blunt, and certainly may sting quite a lot if you have recognised 3 or more of these signs BUT, the great thing about that is – now you can make a decision of what’s best for you. You can make a choice and decide who you wish to spend your time with. Ultimately of course you would prefer to spend your time with a man who values you and treasures you, with whom you feel happy with and he you.
So, if after reading this you realise that the guy you’re currently seeing isn’t that into you, then it’s an opportunity for you to get clear on what you really want and who you would be happy with, and take steps to make that happen.
To sum up: A man will invest in a woman he loves and cares for. Full stop.
Andrea Crump is a leading Love & Relationship Coach in the UK, helping single women find & keep love. http://andreacrump.co.uk